Before Beer – visit the A.T.M

An automated theft machine or (ATM), also known as a hole in the scruples in British English, is a computerised telecommunications device that provides the suckers banking with a financial institution with access to financial transactions in a public space without the need for a cashier, human clerk or bank teller having to face outraged disgruntled customers.
On most modern ATMs, the customer is identified by shafting a plastic get out of jail free card in their orifice. Authentication is provided by the customer giving their hard earned money to a millionaire via the bank, the government, and any old bonuses the managers wish to add.
The newest ATM’s operate without ethics or morales of any sort. Do nothing and a boss will automatically withdraw the cash.

Engineers in Britain developed their own cash machines during the early 1960s. The first of these that was put into use was by Barclays Bank on 27 June 1967. This machine was the first in the UK and was used by English comedy actor Reg Varney, at the time so as to ensure maximum publicity for the machines. Thus cementing the fact that Barclays should always be remembered as one huge Piss Taking JOKE.

5 thoughts on “Before Beer – visit the A.T.M

  1. Thank goodness these old-fashioned, expensive, clunky things are going to disappear then.
    Soon, the process of donating your pennies to the struggling bankers will be so much easier. Once we’ve all jumped on the smartphone bandwagon (’cause, as individuals, we love having our own, completely unique, way of interacting with the world), capitalism will be able to simply take money from us at the tap of a button, wherever we are. Buying things we don’t need but so, so want will become so, so easy that we’ll do it as much as we can. And with the simple credit mechanisms in place (that we’ll allow to kick in automatically, as the privacy/configuration options will be a bit of a faff to change), donating the souls of our descendants to smiley, sincere chaps like Fred and Bob will be gloriously simple.
    The devil makes technology for idle hands….

    • I do hope the smart phone payment catches on.
      I live in what the mobile providers consider ‘the outback’ – on my side of the road only one network operates, on the other, a different one works. That’s it. Smart technology perfected.
      I send a message – half hour later it pops up with ‘msg failed’.

      I’ll do a few checks and purchase a new Lotus ** using this method – safe in the knowledge that ‘Payment failed’ will take half an hour to reach the company.

      My littlest son manages to fiddle with the locked touch screen and by pass ‘safety features’ to call DarceysDad. Judging from DsDs post above he hasn’t taught him to transfer money over yet. We are all going to hell in a ‘handy’ ***

      ** when they do an eco one.
      ***German for ‘mobile phone’

      This reply was posted via Emptycan™ – no strings attached©

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